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ok this has gone on long enough. ive tried to stay quiet for about 3
months now, and its only made things worse for me. so im sorry, but i
need to get my side out...
so disclaimer: if ur tired of hearing about what happened with me and
jordan, or if u just dont care, dont read any more. this entry is ONLY
so i can clear up any misunderstandings/lies that have been spreading
around. this is simply so MY SIDE is known before judgements are made.
i know, i hate these kinds of posts too. sorry. after this one, thats
it.
for the past 3 months, as i understand it, he has been telling people
about what happened between us. i decided to stay quiet because i didnt
wanna create any drama. but what i think happened is that by me not
saying otherwise (to counter his story), ppl started believing
everything he said. which is understandable, since i didnt "deny"
anything. so basic story of what happened:
august 13 (the day after our 6 month), jordan told me he wanted to end
the relationship. not necessarily a break-up...more like a break. ok. i
was completely devastated. he told me the reason behind this was
because he wasnt sure if i "really was the one for him" and he needed
to "compare me to other girls, since i was his first gf"....ok. well,
following friends' advice, i gave him space. (i would like to say
thanks to those who helped me during that time: vivian, josh, radha,
nikki, sara)....
about 2 weeks later, jordan asked me if id mind if he took another girl
to homecoming. b4 all this happened, i had my heart set on going to
homecoming with him. HC was one of those "senior" things i really
wanted to be a part of. but he wasnt my bf anymore, so i couldnt say no
and i told him that its up to him. but at that point, i realized that
it really was over. meanwhile, josh and i had become best friends. he
had spent EVERY DAY since august 13th talking to me on the phone,
listening to me crying, hearing my annoying questions and
"what-ifs"....anyways, after jordan asked me about HC, i decided not to
go because itd be too hard watching him dance with another girl.
knowing how much i wanted to go, josh offered to take me and after some
persuasion and realizing that i shouldnt let someone else keep me from
doing something i had looked forward to for months, i said ok.
by this point, i had spent about 3-4 weeks truly sitting back and
thinking about our relationship and i realized that honestly, it wasnt
as great as i thought it was at that time. about another week or so
later, jordan came back and said that he had
figured out what it was that needed figuring out. and now he wanted me
back. i tried my best to make him understand why it couldnt work out
and how we had both changed, etc. didnt work. asked me to HC, saying
that the girl he wanted to ask before was just a friend (this was
conveniently left out). i told him that i was already going with josh.
after a week, it was too much for me and i told jordan to just give me
some time and space. that didnt happen and he kept talking to my
friends, trying to get them to convince me to go back to him. so
finally we "talked" it out, and that did not end nicely. anger and very
VERY personal insults (about me and my dad, etc). a couple of more
conversations after that, and i blocked him. and thats it, havent
talked to him since except once (telling him to leave me and josh
alone).
thats pretty much the whole story. its so complicated and not even
worth it. and thats why i havent been going around telling people.
frankly, i dont think its anyone's business. but because my reputation
is at stake, i just wanted to clear up my side of the story. i dont
want my friends getting the wrong impression. i know, true friends wont
make judgements based on one side only-theyll listen to both and then
believe whatever they wanna believe. but its easier for me to just post
it, despite the fact that its pretty much open for anyone to read. oh
well. i just want this to END and i want him to leave me alone. he says
hes "washed his hands of this whole matter".....then why is it that he
keeps bringing it up, calling me names behind my back, "warning" josh
about me and my lies, convincing ppl of my "true" nature.....
yes im going out with josh. yes josh was his friend. so yes, i can see how
it may look like i "cheated on jordan with his friend".....NOT TRUE.
how many times have i told jordan?!? I DID NOT CHEAT ON JORDAN. i did
not. josh asked me out after the break-up, after the homecoming
question. i would never cheat on someone. anyone who knows me or even
talked to me last year could say that i really cared about jordan. i
DID NOT cheat on him. my word against his. anyone can twist words and
take things out of context and say that i cheated on him. but i didnt.
jordan says i cheated on him with josh. so if u dont believe me, ask
ANYONE who talked to me during that whole 1 month period (josh, vivian,
radha, etc). ask anyone. i didnt cheat on jordan. it was already over
when josh asked me out.
as for me being a "compulsive liar", "whore", and whatever else he
calls me, fine. hes entitled to his own opinions, as are you. and thats
fine, but i just wanted to say my side of it before the name-calling
got any worse than it already is. at this point, im not mad or hurt or
anything anymore. im just extremely irritated and.....tired. tired of
it all. i just want him to leave me alone and let me be happy. stupid
high school drama. im so sorry to all of you who have had to put up
with this. so many of my friends have come up to me within the past 2
months saying that he keeps talking about it. im sorry. i really didnt
want this to involve anyone else.
these past 3 months, ive learned a lot. friends can mean the world. a
hug is enough. life was easier when we were little. this high school
drama is nothing compared to what awaits us in the upcoming years. boys
can be mean  . boys can be great.....sometimes, even the best thing that ever happened to a girl (one in particular...joshua) 
and the biggest lesson ive learned: sometimes, the people you thought u knew, arent how they seem.....at all.....
thanks to all of you 
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wow its been.................quite a while
dont really have much to say
i dont particularly like lindsay lohan, but i just wanted post the lyrics to one of her songs.....
"Confessions Of A Broken Heart"
I wait for the postman to bring me a letter
I wait for the good Lord to make me feel better
And I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders
A family in crisis that only grows older
Why’d you have to go
Why’d you have to go
Why’d you have to go
Daughter to father, daughter to father
I am broken but I am hoping
Daughter to father, daughter to father
I am crying, a part of me is dying and
These are, these are
The confessions of a broken heart
And I wear all your old clothes, your polo sweater
I dream of another you
The one who would never (never)
Leave me alone to pick up the pieces
A daddy to hold me, that’s what I needed
So why’d you have to go
Why’d you have to go
Why’d you have to go!!
Daughter to father, daughter to father
I don’t know you, but I still want to
Daughter to father, daughter to father
Tell me the truth, did you ever love me
Cause these are, these are
The confessions of a broken heart
I love you,
I love you
I love you
I....!!!!!
I love you!!
Daughter to father, daughter to father
I don’t know you, but I still want to
Daughter to father, daughter to father
Tell me the truth...
Did you ever love me!!!?
Did you ever love me?
These are.....
The confessions...of a broken heart
Ohhh....yeah
I wait for the postman to bring me a letter..
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[enraptured]
well....this week has been......just awesome
fasting started wednesday, and its going ok. clincials also started
(orientation was this past week), so we're wearing scrubs
now....mondays, wednesdays, and fridays....yep i feel cool :D
other than that, i got to wear my MUM on friday!! dude....i was soooo excited! i dont know why, but the mum was a big deal for me.....and i loved it! (hehe i got to sound like a cow ) but it really made my HC experience amazing. and THEN! omg! to make friday even special-er, Josh surprised me by coming to lunch!!!! i was just standing, talking to Jill and Marc, and then someone tapped me on my shoulder and when i turned around, it was HIM!  ...hmm
what else......after school, we went to the mall to do some last minute
HC shopping, and Barnes and Noble (where we saw A LOT of my friends
studying for the SATs)
and then.....saturday! woke up...did calculus homework.....by the time
i finished calc, it was time to start getting ready for homecoming. so
i did....and then got my makeup done.....came home and finished getting
ready. josh picked me up, and we went to towncenter to meet Marc and Genelie for Ben & Jerry's. got there, decided to go to the cheesecake factory instead for....CHEESECAKE!!!! 
(Marc and I asked them to sing happy birthday to Josh, since his bday's
coming up) then we went to the dance.....and yea.....it
was.......ok.....marc and gen left early. i didnt really see too many
people, so we left around 11. went back to towncenter. so we're walking
around, dressed up. pretty cold (keep in mind all i had was a shawl). went to starbucks...sat on a bench outside, since i had the the oddest desire to sit in the cold with warm drinks lol. so we sat, cuddling  and when i got reallyyy cold, he started warming me up 
and after about 20 mins of just sitting, it got too cold so we sat in
the car with the door open and just talked....*sigh* so yep, all in
all, it was an amazing night...
pictures:
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ok yea, its been too long since ive updated. not really in a typing mood, so this will be a picture entry yay lol
hehe he's watching me cook spaghetti
Josh got me lilies (my favorite) for our anniversary (srry, the last pic is kinda blurry.....)
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-To every guy that says I love you.
-To every guy that opens doors.
-To every guy that walks on the outside of a sidewalk so he can be
the first to get hit by a car that careens off the road and push her
out of the way.
-To every guy that cooks dinner for her.
-To every guy that said, "You're beautiful."
-To every guy that was never too busy to drive across town to see her.
-To every guy that gives flowers and a card when she's sick (And even a stuffed animal perhaps).
-To every guy who's given her flowers just because she's feeling a bit depressed.
-To every guy that really would.
-To every guy that did what she wanted to do.
-To every guy that treated her like a princess.
-To every guy that cried in front of her.
-To every guy that she cried in front of.
-To every guy that holds hands with her.
-To every guy that kisses her with meaning.
-To every guy that hugs her when shes sad.
-To every guy who would give their jacket up.
-To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe.
-To every guy that would sit and wait for her for hours just to be able to see her for ten minutes.
-To every guy that would give his seat up.
-To every guy that just wants to cuddle.
-To every guy that will just sleep (no sex) with her.
-To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what (even if she got fat).
-To every guy who told his secrets to her.
-To every guy that tried to show how much he cared through every word
and every breath.
-To every guy that thought maybe this could be the
one.
-To every guy that believed in her dreams.
-To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them.
-To every guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams.
-To every guy that actually listened.
To the guys every girl wishes for
(stolen from shritin)
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